My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
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