I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
being pregnant is like rehab
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
