oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Randomize
