just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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