I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
meet me or not, i'm out of control
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Randomize