can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
