so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
