Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
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