Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
This baby is an asshole
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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