Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Randomize
