When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
