I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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