he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
