I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
