between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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