I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Randomize
