It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Randomize
