guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
You can't motorboat a personality
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
We are two peas in an std pod
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Randomize
