just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Randomize
