I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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