And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Randomize
