I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Randomize
