Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
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