i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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