"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Randomize
