Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Randomize
