Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
I have post one night stand depression
Randomize
