Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
