im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
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