Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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