you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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