While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
