Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
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