no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Randomize
