She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
