Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
