You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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