Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Randomize
