He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
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