i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
