woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Randomize
