Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize
