Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
Screwed.edu
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
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