i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Randomize
