Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
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