She's JV to your varsity
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Randomize
