somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
