Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Never joke about your clitoris.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
