Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Randomize
