My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
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