You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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