He is such a slut. More and more my type.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Randomize
