i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
