he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Randomize
