My boss' voice literally gives me gas
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
