Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
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