This dress was meant to end up on your floor
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize