he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
