Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Randomize
