I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
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