Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
