I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
The air taste purple.
Randomize
