I CAN MOONWALK!
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
I just forgot I was standing up.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
