dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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