Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
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