if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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