so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
